calm down
your soul is melting
liar
liar
what would you do
to make things better with me
liar
can you open the safari window
i’ll tell you how to do it later
how to open up my windows
get me started up like an old vehicle
the ones you like to visit in the streets
a part of your get away story
liar
one two three
liar
couldn’t ask for more
couldn’t ask for less
liar
I think you didn’t like me from the start
I didn’t like you either
you were a shower
a show pleaser
maybe you love me
like no one knows how to express
maybe you are a false person
underdressed
or maybe you dress up too much
that you don’t even know who you are any more.
dying to live.
dying to give but it ain’t worth it.’
I was mad.
being in love with a horror like you, I was
maaaaad.
nothing came good, after the time had passed,
all the times i got mad I know I was good
for it, I was maaaad being in love with you
fake little man dipped on a prayer of nothing less than unsanity,
you are a dark cave in a breathing body
nothing about your mind is clear your energy is haunting
I was mad.
being in love with a horror like you, I was
maaaaaad.
pity was your praise, you were so coward in your ways
somehow sometimes I looked up to you
but could never find a way to look into you
dark rays and dark days
you were a living deadman walking.
dreadful days beside you, I couldn’t get that ick
out of my mind about you.
one thing im pleased is that you came back to prove it to me.
I was just maaaaad.
maaaad to be in love with you.
so clear to me now, you were always who you are
colors so straightforward you only ever brewed one.
I was just maaaad, to believe in such a tape worm.
I was mad.
being in love with a horror like you, I was
maaaaaaaad.
i’m sexy and I sell sex but I’m meant for more than just fucking
if I didn’t help you then you shouldn’t have taken my suggestions
annoyed at the fact that I give time to people that don’t respect it
the fact that it was given and the fault I feel after it
permitted certain people to my free time, yeah I did it
and later they wish they could have more, looking at me look at them
the stare they love to feel against their skin
temporary vision of fruitful sin
deep and erotic I stand noted
I hope I can hold back but most times I don’t
and when I get upset I walk away, alone
more so because i’m upset with the extra steps I took to be present in the day to day
of another
and yet in two seconds they can walk out of my life saying lines like,
I should accept it.
maybe I should just fuck off with them all,
and accept being alone more.
fuck off, tell em to accept it.
there’s a secret about you beneath my skin.
I feel close to you every day.
when I see you, I sometimes tend to act distant,
I sometimes don’t show you what it is I want with you.
and yet the few times that I let go and show you,
or tell you something more intimate than usual,
I feel you block it out.
a ‘couple’ forbidden due to past circumstances,
I don’t believe in such a thing.
but it seems that’s the game you’re playing at.
that funny background leader in my head
that I sometimes ignore
intuition
although I’ve been putting more effort into listening,
to doing what it tells me to, sometimes
my emotions rise up and take over my mind.
I lose myself and forget how to read what it is I really need.
I turn around, walk by, let the door close.
say forget it, say it’ll be fine.
look myself in the eyes, look myself in the mirror
and tell myself lies.
I forget I’m alive. I forget I’m just a body, a fleshy beauty
with so much more inside. I forget that, and look for other people –
other reasons to make me feel bigger. to make me believe that I’m here.
I look for that recognition, validation, hesitation, miscommunication.
instead of that –
I’m working on normalizing looking within me. looking myself in the eyes, looking myself in the mirror
and seeing that I just need time. taking time. letting time take its course. without force.
i’m working on myself. what are you up to?
a faint, breathing knot in my stomach
spiraling chills from my neck along my spine
asking myself why.
I almost pushed you out,
even though you did nothing wrong.
I guess I feel nervous.
not even truly sure what it is about you
that draws me in and makes me want to talk to you
every day.
why you? what is it?
your smile 🙂 I love that.
how you are careful in your movements…
how you don’t break eye contact.
your kisses and the scent of your skin.
how it’s easy to talk to you…
and how I want to so badly.
you were like
a piece of shit
you were such a dirty, dirty one for me
I was so good to you.
I got on my fucking knees,
you paraded all right over me
you just walked and paraded all right over me.
you were a button
a raise
a flickering phase
smudge on the ground
dirt on my face
you could not face yourself
bad for my health
lacking my taste
hot leather
burning desire
chemical code
our weaknesses spoke
simply a bad choice
to fall for your voice
paraded in my mind
sick full of lies
dead to me now
from heavyweight gowns
gaslighting hips
to drip intolerance
I gave up in the end
wanting to win
the last round.
just the taste of our history on my mind
makes me feel more free in time.
more of a woman, more of a warrior
more of a long lost lover, freeing my mind
freeing my soul.
the sun shined through the window
midday
and began to heal me
I felt pieces of me mold back together
and my heart pumped evenly and in tune
that golden arch of my self-awareness was what I had been missing
your arms like candy
around me at night
down the street I see the lights
I thought the time was running by
my mind was running on time
I thought I knew what I wanted
I thought my love for you,
was something true
but I was runniN
AZUL LETRA 